2dp3dt

You would think that after two unsuccessful IVFs, a handful of IUIs, and a round or two of Clomid, that I would not lose my shit during the two week wait of this, my third IVF cycle. You would think wrong.

I thought for sure that my first IVF would work. Sure, I only got three measly eggs, and only had two embryos to transfer. But those two embryos looked very nice, and I had no idea what the diagnosis "poor responder" meant. I sailed through stims and the two week wait. I drank wine with dinner. I had coffee every morning. I exercised throughout. I laughed at the idea of bedrest. And when I started spotting 9dp3dt, I smiled smugly and thought, "Ah ha! Implantation spotting! I think blue would be a nice color for nursery." Then the spotting turned into bleeding, the beta was negative, and that smug smile was effectively wiped from my face.

I was more cautious during my second cycle. I switched from coffee to tea after transfer, and I limited alcohol to a glass with dinner on the weekends only. Instead of running 20 miles a week, I only walked or used the elliptical until beta. Still only retrieved three eggs and put back two nice looking embryos. When I got the faintest of positives on 8dp3dt, I allowed myself to hope. Then the spotting started the next day, so did the negative HPTs. My beta was an absurd 8.

So what have I learned? Not much. Now that I am officially a poor responder, one lesson is that my eggs are almost certainly crap. This was driven home on Saturday, when I transferred one embryo. It was the only one of the four fertilized that made it to day 3. Even though I produced 9 (NINE!) eggs on the estrogen priming protocol, it's obvious that my eggs, they are a mess. But still, my one embryo is nine cells and labeled as HIP (High Implantation Potential). We'll see about that. And what am I doing differently in this 2ww?

1) Continuing to take Fish Oil
2) 800 of Folic Acid (up from 400 last cycle)
3) Two doses of Crinone daily (up from one last cycle)
4) Wine will have to wait until after beta, if negative
5) Two days of rest after transfer
6) No gym until after beta
7) Baby aspirin daily
8) As much Ben & Jerry's as I can eat

I have a lot of faith in number 8, especially. If Ben & Jerry can't get me pregnant, then I don't know who can.

I also ordered a bunch of Internet cheapie HPTs, as my whiff of a second line last cycle induced some kind of POAS madness and I ended up spending close to $150 on home pregnancy tests in an effort to compare brands and see a clearer positive.

As for symptoms so far: all of the normal, progesterone induced stuff. Plus an insane amount of obsession. I think that specific symptom is pretty much induced by my own fevered brain.